Do you like being asked Questions?
Maybe I should have realised that not everyone does
It was pointed out to me that some of the questions I ask,
some people don’t like
It all started with this post
I thought it would start a discussion
I published a post called “The Split Step Challenge” and was talking with a coaching friend.
I was complaining that not many people had replied.
The ‘split step’ post has been viewed over 550 times with only 1 reply.
If you want to read the post and try the questions, click this image
Only 1 person replied
I was offering to exchange views with coaches so that we can explore how this movement is coached
I’m still wondering how this post could have been read so many times and yet only 1 person has sent me an email reply.
It came all the way from South Africa and has hopefully started a coaching journey for the two of us.
“Why haven’t people replied,” I asked
“Andy, some Coaches just don’t like questions!”
My friend pointed out that the phrasing of the question could be too challenging. He also questioned if it was clear enough that my intention was to share my thoughts in a collaborative way.
My friend was quite clear in his comment: “Andy, some Coaches just don’t like questions!”
We then discussed why that could be, well, I listened mostly. In his opinion, there were several reasons why some people don’t like questions.
- They would rather not feel challenged
- A request to collaborate also feels like a challenge to them
- They see no need to explore alternatives to justify a viewpoint, they are happy with their own
- They have self-doubt and anxiety and would rather keep to themselves
- They maybe have ‘Imposter syndrome’ (it’s not a bad thing) and don’t want to expose their views
Do you agree with all these possibilities?
At this point, maybe some of you have stopped reading or are about to 🙂
It could be that you don’t like questions and how they make you feel. That’s ok, it’s your choice, I respect that.
It could be that you just don’t like my questions; you wouldn’t be the first to say that
The way I phrase questions may not be to your liking, that’s exactly what my Coach friend told me
He told me that eventually, he decided that he would engage with me because even though it sometimes felt like a struggle, he said that he started to enjoy that struggle.
How do you talk with your close Badminton friends …
Do you explore the limits of your knowledge, what type of questions do you ask each other?
What I’ll do next
- Try to make my questions sound less directly challenging – that’s tough as they feel different to each person. Of course, I’ll try, I know it won’t be easy.
- Work on my ‘opening’ questions and try to make them sound like a request for collaboration
- Understand that every person is different and the way they hear the words will differ
- Be prepared to layer the questions so that the process may be longer but more worthwhile
- Now I’ve realised that my approach isn’t suitable for everyone, I will build relationships with those who like to be challenged.
- And of course, I will continue to ask questions for sure!
What you can do if we meet
Here are the tips and advice that my friend and I created for your consideration.
Maybe they will help should we ever meet 😉
- A question is just an invitation to respond, please don’t feel that you have to
- If you need more information or time : why not answer the question with a question of your own in return
- Never feel embarrassed or afraid to say, “I’ve never thought about that” or “hmm, let me think about that while you give me your thoughts“
- Have a few moments of general chat and then politely leave the conversation, of course, that’s ok
I’d be very grateful for any feedback,
especially if you ask a Question 🙂
Send me a question
I’m always grateful if you have read this far.
If there is anything that you have read that has helped or that you disagree with, then please send me an email.
I promise to read all your comments
It would be great to hear from you contact@badmintonandy.com
